It can be hard on your health adjusting to life with a new baby and having someone depend on you every second of the day. But that stress and anxiety don’t have to control you.
I remember sitting on the couch holding my 2-day-old baby and thinking my life is never going to be the same. Of course, I knew that before getting pregnant, but being there in that moment was a hefty realization. My pre-baby life was carefree. My husband and I only had to think about ourselves. We could pretty much do whatever we wanted, when we wanted. And now here is this tiny, beautiful human who relies on me for everything—I mean everything.
From the clean air wisping around her to the quality of her food, from the love she feels to the things she learns, from her health to her comfort, she is my responsibility. And as she sleeps so peacefully on my chest, her tiny fingers locked around my hair, and her heart full of trust in me, I understand that my sacrifices aren’t even sacrifices. I’ll choose her, always.
But this kind of love doesn’t come without challenges. I’ve had days where I’ve felt exhausted and worn-down, mentally and physically, from the constant demand and support that’s needed to help this new life thrive. I remember thinking there’s no way I could handle another kid, but after some time and finding a routine, I still want my three kids, even though it wasn’t easy keeping up with my mental stability after a life-changing event. Here are some things that helped me out.
1. Stay positive
Thoughts control your life. They control how you feel, how you react, and how you treat others. One thing that I always keep in mind is that my little girl is upset because she needs something. She isn’t crying just to cry or to make my life harder. She just doesn’t understand or know how to communicate what she needs. With this thought in mind, I am always able to stay positive, even through the frustration of trial and error.
Along with thinking positively, I keep a positive tone. It keeps me calm and it soothes the baby. It’s hard for anger or sadness to enter you when you exude happiness. Nip that negativity in the bud before it takes over because it will control you if you let it. And remember, no matter how challenging it is, it’s another day you’ve been blessed with.
2. Take care of yourself physically
Shower, brush and floss your teeth, comb your hair, put on some makeup if you wear it, exercise, eat as healthy as you can, take your vitamins or medications, and sleep! I know that sleep seems impossible, but take every chance you can to sleep. Buy extra pump parts if you pump so you don’t have to wash them as often and use that extra time to sleep. And don’t worry about the sink full of dishes or the overflowing clothes hamper. The chores can wait or someone else can do them. Your health is more important than a dirty house. If you’re unhealthy or not feeling your best, it’s going to affect not only your mental health but the others around you as well.
3. Make time for a hobby
Of course, this is easier said than done. By the time you care for the kids, keep a strong relationship with your partner, and take care of yourself and then the house, it’s time to take care of the kids again and repeat the cycle. But if it feels impossible to find extra time, you might have to multitask with your hobby. If you enjoy reading, sit down and rock the baby while you read, or try listening to an audiobook while you cook dinner.
You can still do the things you love, you just might have to change how you do them until you develop a routine. And you might not have a routine for months, but that’s okay because you’re strong and can balance multiple things at once. Just try to find that time to squeeze in the things you love to help to give yourself a mental break.
4. Take a break
The baby has been crying nonstop and you’ve tried everything you can think of to soothe him, the dinner is burnt, you’ve spilled half of that liquid gold you just spent 30 minutes pumping, your shirt is soaking wet with spit up, you stubbed your toe on the bouncer, and then stepped on the zipper of a pair of jeans that’s in a pile on the floor waiting to be folded. Your husband’s at work and you’re all alone, crying, and feeling out of control.
Just slow down and take a break. Turn off the oven, put the baby in a safe place, and go to the bathroom. Close your eyes and splash some cold water on your face. Drown out the cries from baby for a minute and focus on breathing. Then tackle one thing at a time, but remember, your baby is your number one priority.
Taking that break, even for a minute, will refresh your thoughts and feelings so you can better handle the situation.
5. Be honest
Motherhood is hard, it’s time-consuming, it’s exhausting, and it’s frustrating. Sometimes it can feel lonely. But I promise you, you’re not alone. I can guarantee we’ve all been there at one time or another. But don’t try to hold anything in or feel like you have to do it all on your own. There is always someone willing to help you. Try to accept the help when it’s offered, that break will be good for you. And reach out when you need help. There are also helplines that offer support and resources before and after birth. Realizing you need help and having the courage to ask when you need it makes you a strong parent.
6. Bond with your baby
Skin-to-skin, cuddling, staring into those baby blues, talking, making weird noises and faces, reading to, and wearing your baby are all ways to build a strong connection. You and your baby both need that bond for your emotional and mental health. The more you love on your baby the easier it will be for you to stay positive. You’ll enjoy the diaper changes when you can make eww sounds and he laughs at you. You’ll find pleasure in the way your voice can soothe him when he cries. And you’ll be glad to take your baby with you places and not find it to be an inconvenience because you love spending time with him. Each moment you’re together strengthens your bond, and it becomes harder for frustration to grow because you both trust each other.
7. Have someone check in on you regularly
Every day for months my mom would ask me how I’m feeling emotionally. Most days I would tell her that I’m doing great; I love motherhood and taking care of my little mini-me. Some days I would tell her that I’ve been crying; she’d listen when I’d tell her why and then she’d offer suggestions. Other days I would tell her I need her help, and she would always come.
Most people get so caught up in the baby that they sometimes forget about mom. Ask someone to check in on you after the baby is born or reach out to someone you can confide in when you need a little more emotional support. And in order for this to be beneficial for you, you have to be honest. I’m blessed to have a mom who understands emotional support and shows me how much that simple question means.
8. Don't compare yourself or your baby
Every child is different. Every parent is different. What works for someone else may not work for you. Some of the advice and tips that I give may not even work for you, and that’s okay. But don’t get discouraged if your baby isn’t rolling over at 4 months just because some experts say it’s a milestone. Don’t compare yourself to the mom whose baby is sleeping 6 hours at night at 2 months of age. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Your baby is developing at his own rate, just like he did in the womb. My doctor told me I’d feel my baby move at 18 weeks; I didn’t feel her until 21 weeks. Just keep in mind that milestones are an estimation, not a given. Some babies develop sooner, some later. But have patience and trust that you’re giving your baby everything he needs to grow healthy and strong.
9. Know that there is more than one way to do things
Going along with not comparing yourself or your baby, understand that there is more than one way to care for a child. Again, what works for someone else may not work for you. If your baby likes to be rocked to sleep instead of falling asleep alone, that’s okay! If you believe in time out over spanking as discipline, that’s okay! But if someone tries to tell you that what you’re doing wrong or judges you for bottle-feeding instead of breastfeeding, make sure you remember that you know what is best for your child. As long as your baby is thriving, your way is what your baby needs.
10. Develop some sort of routine
With a new baby, whether it’s your first or more, you’ll eventually find a new routine. You’re incorporating another person’s schedule into yours. While it’s important to eventually have a routine, it isn’t beneficial to force one if it doesn’t work for you and baby. Don’t try to follow someone else’s routine just because it sounds good or works for them. Sometimes, it takes time for a natural routine to develop.
It took me about a month before I even had an idea of what a routine looked like for us. I felt like I was always feeding her and napping. So I spent multiple nights sleeping on the couch with the baby in the bassinet because I wasn’t sure of where to even begin with a bedtime routine. But once I started to grasp onto a routine and started sleeping in my bed, I felt more in control, and it was easier for me to feel more secure in my parenting skills.
11. Pray
Understand that some things are out of your control. Baby will get sick at times, no matter how hard you try to keep him from illness. Your baby will eventually grow up and make his own decisions. You’ve guided him in the right direction. Now, it’s up to him to make those choices to keep on the right path. But pray and have faith that God is watching and protecting your little one. Pray and trust that you’ve raised him to the best of your ability and that God won’t leave his side. If you want to pray but don’t know where to start, check out this prayer I wrote for my daughter. Feel free to use it as a guide for your little one if you need to.
Honestly, I feel like my mental health is more in check after having a baby than it was before, especially since I started seeing things in a more positive way. Motherhood is a wonderful place to be, and knowing that I can take care of another tiny human who relies on me for her every need makes me feel strong and capable.