Sometimes that memory creeps up and traps me.
Half the time, I don’t know how to respond, I just freeze.
My heart drops like it did then, and I catch myself gasping for air.
You’ll never understand. I’ll always be haunted by that part of you.
Sometimes I feel like I’m strong enough to overcome it again,
but how many times can I keep reliving it before it finally breaks me down.
It’s not my choice, I don’t let it in, it finds its own way.
But the truth is, I’m just weak.
I’m too weak to forgive, and I’m too weak to let you go.
Part of me died that day, and every time the memory creeps back, it takes another piece.
It’s slowly killing me, and the pain is torturous.
I have to look in your eyes to find my strength,
but then I feel like I don’t know who you are,
because the person who did this to me is in there somewhere.
You have no idea how hard I have to fight this battle.
If I thought I knew what pain was, I was wrong.
You showed me how awful it can be.
I never thought I was going to Hell, but it turns out, I’m already there.
I live it every day when I face those demons,
and knowing that, I’m not afraid to die.